I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
is wine microwaveable?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
