saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
