You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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