She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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