I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think your dad took our porno
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
