What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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