I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
