The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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