Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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