Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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