there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
