ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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