i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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