Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
