Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
