do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
