My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize