HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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