I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
