He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
