the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
