apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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