just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
