I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
