Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
