I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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