Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
