Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
