We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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