Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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