Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
