so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
