i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
