Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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