your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
