found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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