i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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