Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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