I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
