Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
