hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
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How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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