i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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