Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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