dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
