he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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