Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
