In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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