Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
