If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I need water and some morals
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
