i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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