i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
