How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
