i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
