If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She's the barista slut.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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