i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
