based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
