i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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