His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
