I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
