there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
