i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
