Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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