I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
