u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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