We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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