Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
