is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
